


My Youth

by twilightemperor



Series: Us, the stars, & things I never told you [3]
Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys Kissing, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29673912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightemperor/pseuds/twilightemperor
Summary: Bravely, Wangho raises his hand and places it against Sanghyeok’s right cheek. “Are you okay?” He sees Sanghyeok’s pretty eyes close, feels the weight of his head resting against his palm, and he just knows he is still as in love with this man as he was all those years ago.
Relationships: Han "Peanut" Wang-ho/Lee "Faker" Sang-hyeok
Series: Us, the stars, & things I never told you [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939072
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	My Youth

“Are you insane,” Wangho hisses. He lowers his voice, careful not to awake his tired teammates. “What are you doing here?”

“I asked you for your address,” the slightly scratchy-sounding voice over the line says, as if pointing out a universal fact. “What else would I do if not visit?”

Wangho sighs, rubbing the back of his own neck roughly as he sits up. “Okay. So what do you want?”

“Not even a word of thanks for dropping by? You hurt me,” Sanghyeok mutters.

“Sanghyeok-hyung," His reply makes Wangho roll his eyes in exasperation. "How did you even get here in the middle of the night?”

“I drove.”

Wangho gasps. “You have a licence now?”

“Yeah.”

"You have a car now?"

"Sort of."

Wangho furrows his eyebrows, confused. “Did you borrow a car from someone? Whose car did you borrow?”

“I took one of the BMW cars from T1.”

“You took a car from SKT?” Wangho raises his voice, horrified, before lowering his volume. “What are you thinking? Aren’t those cars the flashy-looking ones that everyone can spot from even a damn mile away? Someone’s going to find out that you drove it.”

“I just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi, hyung. Now hurry up and go back, please. I have a match in less than forty-eight hours. I need to rest so I can practise well,” he says curtly, burying his head into his left palm.

“Wait, Wangho-ya,” Sanghyeok protests. “Come take a drive with me.”

“It’s literally freezing outside,” he complains. “I should be asleep by now. My new teammates are going to freak out if they find out I’m gone.”

“Go grab your coat and bring your phone out so they can contact you.”

“Hyung, you’re being ridiculous.”

“Please.”

That voice. Wangho hates the way Sanghyeok talks to him, like they’re still back in the Summer of 2017 and they had everything in their hands. Like there’s still something between them when there had been nothing to talk about for a long time. “I’ll be quick,” he eventually gives in. “Wait for me at the door. Don’t move.”

Hurriedly, he scrambles in the dark for something more warm, tugging on a pair of sweatpants and chucking his pair of shorts on the bed. He tiptoes out of the room, gingerly taking light steps till he’s at the main door. Sliding on the pair of socks he had taken, he stuffs his feet into his shoes along with the shoelaces, not bothering to tie them up properly.

“Sorry,” Wangho apologises, tugging his mask on and shrugging on his padded jacket. Getting dressed had taken him a longer time than expected. He double checks that the door is locked before turning to Sanghyeok expectantly. “Shall we go?”

Sanghyeok stares at him, half of his face hidden behind a mask as well. Pointing at his feet, his voice is muffled, “Your shoelaces are sticking out.”

Wangho looks down. “Oh, that’s okay. I can just tie them in the car.”

His eyes meet with a gaze, and Sanghyeok silently squats down, pulling out his shoelaces and tying them. Flustered, Wangho squeaks softly. “No, no, hyung, it’s okay, don’t tie them for me.” He takes a step back in surprise, but Sanghyeok only grabs his shoelaces and ties them before working on his right shoe.

“Thank you,” he says as Sanghyeok stands up. “Um, let’s go?”

They brave the cold and get into the car, and Wangho curses under his breath until Sanghyeok tosses him a hot pack in a seemingly careless manner, though his eyes betray his nonchalant actions. For the most part, they remain quiet as the car rolls out of the area smoothly, Sanghyeok taking a turn at a lane towards a different direction that Wangho hadn’t thought of. “Where are we going, hyung?”

“Away.”

At that response, Wangho huffs, opting to stare out of the window instead. “How have you been?”

“I should be asking you that question, Mr Worlds attendee,” Sanghyeok mutters. “Was the stage good?”

He carefully chooses his words. “It was a lot tougher than I thought. I made a lot of bad choices.” The roads are empty, considering it's about four in the morning. Or is it three? Wangho doesn't know. He checks his phone surreptitiously.

“Then do you regret going to China?”

“No,” he replies immediately. He thinks of his Chinese mid laner, the one who calls out shots and fires cards in a scary manner, and of his top laner, fiercely protective and loving, and of his beloved Jonghun-hyung whom he had stayed with for nearly a year, spending nights chatting in rapid-fire Korean and worrying about life. He tries his best not to think about the short support player, leaving all his broken promises of visiting his hometown stashed away under lock and key in his box of memories. “I liked it there.”

“More than Korea?”

“The homesickness was a little too much to handle at first, but,” he hesitates, taking a quick breath. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t have wanted to stay there if I wasn’t playing with that set of teammates any longer, anyway.”

Wangho gives up on looking out of the window. Everything is black and inky and his eyes are starting to hurt for some reason. He leans back in his seat. “How about you?”

“Fine,” the response doesn’t fool him. Wangho knows the sharp stabbing ache that comes with each failure.

“Hyung, stop talking in circles. Please be more straightforward.”

The air turns frosty cold, and Wangho buries himself into his coat as the car gradually rolls to a stop, the engine still purring softly. He cracks open an eye to peep at Sanghyeok. “Hyung?” The area is foreign and secluded, the streets still dark in the early hours of the morning.

“I really don’t know what I’m doing,” Sanghyeok confesses. “I guess I just wanted to see someone I’ve known for a long time.”

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Wangho unbuckles his seat belt and turns to face the older male. Following suit, Sanghyeok squirms, his movements jittery. “Things must have been rough on you this year.”

“Yeah.”

Bravely, Wangho raises his hand and places it against Sanghyeok’s right cheek. “Are you okay?” He sees Sanghyeok’s pretty eyes close, feels the weight of his head resting against his palm, and he just _knows_ he is still as in love with this man as he was all those years ago. Thumbing at slightly bumpy skin, Wangho smiles. “I can listen.”

“Sangho is gone from the team,” Sanghyeok explains. “I feel like I couldn’t get anyone to stay.”

“It’s inevitable,” Wangho replies. “You know that. I change teams literally every year. Not everything is going to stay the same, hyung.”

“I know.” There’s a stray tear. “But it still hurts me.”

Wangho does nothing else, says nothing else. He sits and rubs soothing circles as Sanghyeok goes boneless against him, his forehead on Wangho’s left shoulder. The position must be uncomfortable, considering their height difference, so Wangho massages the back of the mid-laner’s neck, moving his hands as lightly as he can.

“I’m really selfish, huh? I should be more worried about whether Sangho can fit in with his new team. The boy is too much of an introvert. But I’m here, sad about being left behind instead.” His voice is so close to Wangho’s ear that it makes him shiver a little.

“That’s okay, hyung. It’s okay to be selfish. You think too much for others all the time,” Wangho gently chides. “You’ll make yourself feel even worse if you keep thinking badly about yourself.” Finally, he curls his right arm around Sanghyeok, embracing him. The smell of Sanghyeok’s shampoo wafts to his nose. _This is it_ , Wangho thinks. _I still love you._

He gets slightly alarmed when Sanghyeok sniffles, so he instantly hugs him tighter. “After all this time, it’s so funny how we can be here like this.”

“Look at me, hyung,” Wangho pushes him away slightly, left hand on his shoulder to support the weight of his body. He looks for a few seconds, and slowly lifts his right hand to take off Sanghyeok’s glasses. “Don’t cry,” he wipes away crystalline tears. “It hurts me when you’re hurt.”

Wangho finds himself involuntarily leaning in, watching sad eyes begin to close as their lips get closer and closer. “Wait,” Sanghyeok fidgets restlessly, holding him back with his hand on Wangho’s chest. His breath is hot against Wangho’s skin, a momentary distraction.

“You don’t want to kiss me?” Wangho pouts. He breathes out heavily, glancing down at Sanghyeok’s hand. “That’s okay too,” he rambles, feeling slightly ashamed. “We can just talk. I mean, I don’t expect anything from you. It’s okay.”

“I have something to tell you,” his tone is grave.

“What?”

“I — Jinseong...”

Confused, Wangho stares at him. “Jinseong? Teddy?”

“I can’t do this,” Sanghyeok babbles, moving away. “I kissed him a few months ago. I’m sorry, Wangho.”

It takes a long time for the new information to sink in. “You kissed my _friend_ ,” Wangho grits his teeth. He feels the fire coursing through his veins, his body feeling hot. There he was, such a fool for thinking that Sanghyeok would wait for him forever. “You,” he cuts off, holding his own head in his hands in disbelief. He breathes, calming himself down. “I don’t know if I should be relieved that you’re over me or offended that I’m still fucking hung up over you.”

“I’m sorry."

Just as quickly as the anger had come, it goes away, replaced by a wave of disappointment. “I know, hyung,” Wangho wants yell, but he can’t bring himself to. He had being using someone else to cope with the pain too. Chewing on his bottom lip, he curbs his feelings, trying to numb the urge to cry.

Sanghyeok clears his throat nervously, one foot tapping anxiously. His thumb is rubbing against his index finger in a way Wangho recognises all too well, movements slightly jittery. “Did you find someone there?”

That almost makes him scoff. “How hypocritical of you to be worrying about that when you’re the one who kissed my friend. What do you think?” Wangho challenges, examining his facial expression. “Do you think I found someone to replace you?

It takes only a split second for their eyes to meet, but Wangho braces himself, staring in a fearless manner despite his heart palpitating. “Maybe,” Sanghyeok mumbles. It stings Wangho’s heart in a way he hadn’t thought it could — the way Sanghyeok had thought that he would have been able to move on.

“What about you? Have you replaced me with Jinseong?”

Sanghyeok sighs. “What do you think?”

Wangho mulls over it seriously. “You did.” He tries not to sound upset, readjusting his sitting posture to show that he’s not bothered by it. It probably isn’t enough to fool Sanghyeok’s hawk eyes.

“I tried to.”

“Oh,” his heart hurts, his eyes starting to water.

“I tried to,” Sanghyeok repeats. “I don’t think it’ll work out.”

“Do you think we’d ever work out, hyung?” Wangho wants to laugh and cry at the same time. Four years later, and they’re still trapped in the same cycle, their little carousel going round and round. Wangho just wants to get down from it. He’s tired of chasing. “I guess I should be glad you tried to see someone new.”

“Tried. It can’t work out,” the older male stresses. “What about you?”

“You saw what happened at Worlds,” Wangho trembles. “I can’t date him.”

Counting the seconds in his head, he nearly misses the tiny and almost fearful reply. “Would you have dated him if you had won Worlds?”

“I don’t know,” Wangho mumbles. “I would have liked to, but I don’t think I would have.”

“Why?” Sanghyeok’s voice is pillow soft and inviting.

“I can’t get over you.” It feels like a punch to the gut to admit the truth. There are days where Wangho lays in bed and dreams of what he could have done better, of what their future would have looked like if they had won; and even though they didn’t, things might still have worked out somehow if he had just stayed by Sanghyeok’s side that night. On days like those, he spends hours on end playing memories in his head — their first cold war, their first separation after Worlds, their first time not acknowledging each other when they had crossed paths at the team house.

“I’m sorry.” The apology sounds deafening in the silence. “I’m really sorry.”

“Stop apologising,” Wangho says, then pauses. “But I’m sorry too, hyung. For everything.”

“Now we’re just two fools apologising to each other each time we meet,” the older male jokes. “We have to stop meeting just to apologise to each other.” He tugs Wangho’s arm, gradually sliding his hand down to loop their fingers together. “I really missed you.”

Welcoming the physical contact, Wangho smiles. “I missed you too, hyung.” There’s some chirping in the distance. The sun is slowly rising in the sky. Sanghyeok’s eyes burn bright, and Wangho sees what he imagines is a tiny flicker of hope lighting up.

There’s something shattering in him, something in Wangho that breaks at the feeling of kissing Sanghyeok after a whole year of radio silence and their broken unspoken promise of meeting at Worlds. Sanghyeok’s lips are dry and chapped and he is so sure his are as well, but there’s nothing else better in this universe than right now. Maybe he should be more furious than this. Maybe he should yell and scream and blame Sanghyeok for running off to someone else. But Wangho is foolish and fickle and all too trusting, and Sanghyeok is still the same person he had fallen in love with in the Spring of 2017.

The past few years have been filled with recklessness, with dropping everything and running away. For as long as he could, Wangho has always taken the coward’s way out. But Sanghyeok is here, right here within his reach, and Wangho is too tired of loving him so hard and pretending he’s okay with the pain. He cups Sanghyeok’s face, hungrily claiming back Sanghyeok’s heart.

_You were mine four years ago, and you are mine again._

Outside, the snowflakes fall.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Click [this](https://twitter.com/emperortwilight) for my Twitter. I'll only accept your follow if you put a star emoji ⭐️ in your Twitter bio. You can remove it once I've accepted you! I'm also very selective when it comes to followers.  
> 2\. Wangho sometimes calls T1 "SKT T1", which makes me really sad because I miss SKT too.  
> 3\. Mark is the support player of LGD.  
> 4\. Wangho had plans to return back to China to visit Mark’s hometown (along with his top laner LangX and his mid laner xiye).  
> 5\. Kramer is (still) the ADC of LGD.  
> 6\. Wangho is back in LCK, this time with Nongshim RedForce.  
> 7\. I love how it's 2021 and I'm still writing about this cursed ship because I can't get over it.  
> 8\. Please excuse my shit writing, I wrote this two months back and never touched it till now.


End file.
